One of the biggest issue that people struggle with after getting out of a shitty situation of any kind is how to be enough:
- how to be enough at work
- how to be enough for their children
- how to be enough for another person
But the one thing that really seems to be even more overwhelming? How to be enough just as a human being.
Because that’s really where it all resides, isn’t it? How to be enough as a person. If we can’t be okay with who we are, it’s hard to be a productive worker, our best selves as a parent, our best selves as partner, or to even look for a healthy relationship.
How to Be Enough: Be Present
And I can tell you as someone with C-PTSD who went through CBT that being present is a ridiculously simple concept that isn’t anywhere as easy as it fucking sounds. Because, frankly, wouldn’t we all just love to not fucking think about whatever it was that got us to think that we aren’t enough to begin with? Because if we felt as if we were enough, wouldn’t we be present? #amirite So, hang in there with me because I recognize the lunacy of what I’m saying.
Like, I really get it. I want to introduce you to a concept to help you remain present. It’s kinda out there. It didn’t make my diagnosis of C-PTSD (or OCD) go away. The trauma I went through still exists. It’s still part of who I am, but it doesn’t own me. I decided a looonnngggg time ago that it wouldn’t own me although I could have very easily let it do so, but to me (and that’s something you must decide for you) it would have been saying they won. They could own me for my entire life. But, I’m digressing. The concept I want to introduce you to is going to seem controversial because it keeps you present by stating there is no future and there is no such thing as the past.
How to Be Enough: The Ever Present Moment
The ever present moment concept is not based on science. It’s a “new age” concept. I don’t like the term “new age.” It’s a silly term since it envelopes beliefs taken from newer beliefs as well as eons old beliefs. Just how old this particular concept is, I don’t know. I learned about this concept some time back.
The basic belief is that all we have is right now. There is no future. There is no past. I know that’s crazy…if there’s no past then why in the hell do you feel like you won’t ever be enough? If there’s no future, why in the hell are you worried about your electric bill, putting food on the table, and everything else? I know. I don’t pretend to be an expert in the entire method or to try and explain everything about it. Instead, I just learned to focus on it for the purposes of getting out of a downward spiral.
As a life coach and as someone with C-PTSD, I suggest that for learning how to be enough, you focus only on using it to be in the present moment.
When you start feeling like you can never be enough or wondering how to be enough, stop thinking about the past and how you felt like you were never enough and stop worrying about the future. Instead, focus only on exactly what is happening now. Fully immerse yourself in the moment. Touch whatever is around you. When I’m having a panic attack, that might involve touching the wall, the furniture, or whatever. Get fully involved in the positive that is happening around you. If nothing positive is happening, find something positive and do it. Do something nice. Pay someone a compliment. It doesn’t have to be something big. Do some research on that dream you wanted to fulfill. Personal responsibility is where all the power is found. To become enough, you must put in the work. You and you alone must decide that you are enough.